Fate and Luck

An alternative title is “Fuck Fate”, cause well, I’m just not a fan of the concept, personally.

20161120_064723The four runes on the rim seem – to me – to be literally framing the information within. I’m working blind here because this is only the second time I’ve cast the runes, and the first time I’ve done so without any real question in mind. I’m trying to figure out what it is that my People are saying to me and hoping that I don’t misunderstand. So I’m relying pretty heavily on what feels right and going from there.

Fehu (top border) is generally considered a good rune. Its roots are in fertility – be it of the pocket book, abundance of love (romance) or conception. It can also apply to creativity and general fertility like having a strong garden.

Mannaz – (bottom border) – self-realization, the fulfilment of human protentional and the acceptance of the human condition. Can also signify the need to “tap” into the powers of the race collective and basically grasp the wisdom of all ancestors (OP Note: by Race I mean human race, and not a specific variety of human.)

Gebo – (bottom left border) The rune of exchange. The idea that keeping a tally is bad, but maintaining a balance between what is given and what is gotten is good. Generosity is a virtue, but to give of oneself to the detriment of oneself is poor in wisdom.

Hagalaz – (top left border) A rune of warning, a portent of a hail storm or other disruptive behavior.

Taking the four together as a shared ideal that borders the contained runes, leaves me with an uncertain impression at the moment. I can see how they may work amongst each other, but I don’t want to draw conclusions about them without understanding what they’re framing.

Thurisaz is at the center, or as near to it and upright in this casting. It is either good luck and offered assistance or a warning to take stock and consolidate – like battening down the hatches in preparation for a storm. I find it personally interesting that it’s pointing straight at Halagaz. Either as means to ward it and lessen the rune’s portent, or (more likely I think) as a way of saying That! That is what I’m telling you to prepare and defend against!

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Turning over the remainder of the runes I’m have Uruz, which appears to be backing up Thurisaz, Naudhiz below Uruz and then Perthro which is tucked under Ansuz.

Uruz deals with creation, manifesting and directing energy to create a physical or spiritual outcome. It’s position behind Thurisaz leaves me to wonder if it isn’t directing its energy into the rune.  Or more pointedly directing me to channel my energy into Thurisaz, as a way to brace against Hagalaz and make it’s possibly negative warning less impactful on my immediate future.

Naudhiz – the rune of fate, of the Norns. In readings it can indicate problems that weigh on the spirit or heart. Frustrations and blocks that can become helpful constraints if approached properly. Naudhiz relies heavily on what follows it in a reading. I’ve certainly got some frustrations in my life, though almost none are the direct and immediate frustrations of my hearth and more the distance and impactful frustrations of current political climates.

Perthro – another rune of fate. But less fate decreed by the Norns and more the fate of chance and luck. The possibility that something random may intervene, or that there is a different meaning to be had in the reading itself. Perthro also lends itself to the unknown – either as something the querent is not ready to know, or not intended to know (like an extra bit of information slipping through the Gate.)

Ansuz lays over Perthro – it’s a rune of words, of communication of knowledge and higher understanding. It’s also Odin’s rune, and in certain contexts can be a nod from the All Father himself. It’s position over Perthro leads me to be more inclined that it’s a nod from Odin. A statement that chance and luck will have a big part to play, and to take comfort in that because chance and luck mean that things aren’t written in stone and disasters can be avoided. (Or joyous occasions made even better).

A frame can really change the picture contained within. The cloth I used to cast my runes has a defined border to it and I’ve chosen to interpret the runes themselves with it in mind. Much like how a picture’s “story” can be altered by a modern thin black frame vs an older styled thick golden frame, I choose to view the interior runes based on the information provided by the framework.

In this case, it’s a general feeling of positivity and home strength. Fehu and Mannaz lend to the feeling of personal fertility and growth, as long as I maintain contact and connection with my fellow man – Gebo reminding me that to give is to get, and to be sure not to over extend myself because of Hagalaz’s warning of something impending and looming.

Thurisaz pointing to Hagalaz almost makes me wonder if Hagalaz is not actually a part of the frame, but rather was pushed out by Thurisaz as it warded against it. I mean, if anything can shove something around I’d imagine the rune of the Thor would be it! If that’s the case then the frame is more solidly a border of community. The reminder that we’re all connected, and while I must keep myself in good shape to be worth much of anything to anyone, I must also remember I am a part of humanity and neither above nor below it. Its success is my success.

And that success is both rocky and up in the air. Thurisaz offers it’s aid and protection against what’s coming, and I think Uruz is backing it up in that respect – and directing me to do what I can to help as well. Which is a positive sign in light of any disaster, natural or otherwise.

Naudhiz, the rune of the Norns, gives me this feeling of something unavoidable. A thing too big to be moved around without being affected by it. A feeling of Fate. I dislike the idea of Fate, the idea that good or bad it is unavoidable and no amount of compromise and effort will set things off whatever track they’re one. I like better the idea that my hard work – or lack thereof – is what made the end result, be it bad or good.

Which is probably why I’m taking the Ansuz/Perthro pairing as something more akin to Odin saying Yes some things are set in stone, but you can still make things go better than expected with a little luck and a lot of work.

Whew, over one thousand words on the rune casting itself! So not a whole lot on the actual ritual – but hey! I did get it done when I prefer today vs waking up too late yesterday ^_^ So that’s a plus!

Blessings
Quin

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Vacation

I’ve got this huge upcoming vacation, and I’ve realized that it’s kind of accidentally put my musing on my faith on hold.

It’s not so much that I’ve stopped thinking about them, but with to do lists, redecorating and trying to get all the important bits together I just haven’t had the time to sit down and really dig into my thoughts.

 

That said though, I’m SUPER excited about this vacation. First road trip of my life and it’s 7k+ miles and 16 days. I don’t even know what to do with myself =D

On the plus side, all the driving will give me plenty of time to muse on my thoughts, even if I don’t have immediate access to a computer to post them here.

Sexuality

I never thought I would have the conversation I had earlier tonight. I never thought I would spend days and weeks pondering a portion of my life – a sliver of my identity.

A big sliver though. I grew up in an open an accepting family. I grew up being told it was okay to be who I was. But then my father’s second wife planted a small seed.

I was 12 – and damn if this isn’t a difficult thing to write on – I was 12 and my father’s second wife was frustrated with me. She yelled that I’d grow to be a “worthless homosexual failure” – just like that. And it was the first spike.

When I was 13 my Grandfather said he was concerned I would be “influenced” by a family member’s lifestyle. He said it only once, and never spoke of it again.

I went through my life, and I wondered. I wondered at how everyone else had a “type” and I didn’t. I felt shame when I admired someone who wasn’t a guy. I struggled with my identity – and when I was 23 the first chance to test that identity came. And I didn’t take it.

I remember speaking to my mom about it. She’d made my heart rush, I hadn’t felt anything like it since puppy love in high school. I wasn’t sure what to do about it – I was scared, and worried everyone would blame – well – the “influential family member.”

Some years later I met a fantastic person who really helped bring to my brain a lot of other gender options. Through her and from her I realized just how much bigger the world was than I had assumed. I also learned that I had a, well, not unique point of view, but not an overly common one.

I may still be on a path to try and put words to my personal beliefs, but I do have words to put my sexuality to rest – to set my identity a step closer to resolution. I also have a supportive and decidedly wonderful life partner who has provided more strength to me as I solidify this definition.

My name is Quin, and I’m pansexual, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

Runes

So I’ve begun my study of the Elder Furthark. I’ve got a book, I believe that was recommended (My memory can be hazy at best, and flawless at worst) called Nordic Runes, by Paul Rhys Mountfort.

I’ve been digesting it slowly, trying to take each word into consideration and really commit portions to heart. I’m barely even 32 pages in, truth be told, and I’m already satisfied with the purchase. I picked it up specifically because it includes some very in-depth information into each rune. It discusses all the rune poems, and looks at a myriad of meanings.

Options, to me, are always the best bet. I like not feeling beholden to a specific set of words, and with this book I’ll know at least three rune poems, which I think will give me a better understanding of the runes themselves.

Speaking of, the runes have been delivered and in flawless condition. (The magicaldruid.com is a really solid vendor, highly recommend.)

24 Elder Runes burned into maple. Real honest-to-goodness maple, and its wonderful. The smell of the runes takes me back home, into the heart of forests and safe spaces, and I don’t care how creepy it might be, but I could just breath those runes in all day. There’s also a comfort in their feeling as well – not glass-smooth, but not bark-rough, there’s already an understanding that my own oils are going to alter the runes. That for every use I have of them I’ll be giving some of myself into them as well.

Essence is probably a more rune-appropriate phrase, and I can get behind that, even from a logical mind. I am my body, my body produces the oils as a way of protecting and maintaining itself. That oil is me, as much as anything else is, and even with my personal belief that we are all one in the same, there is much more immediacy with a connection to my current self.

Though, it would be inline with my beliefs to have the runes handled by as many people as are comfortable with it. I know from things I’ve read in the past that that’s kind of a big no-no, but I think for me it is not. And I think the most important part of this journey is to make sure I’m doing it in a way that is most right for Me.

Orlando.

Edit: My coming out as pansexual has certainly altered the views I shared in this. I may very well become hated, and I may very well be denied things, but I will still stand in defense for those who need it. Myself included.

I’m not going to write overmuch on the current events. These are not my experiences. Those are not who I am.

I am a friend to people who were affected. I love them, I mourn the collective loss they feel, and I have rage at the fact that event happened.

But it is not my suffering.

I have never been hated.

I’ve never been hated just for being me, as far as I know. I’m sure someone does, somewhere, loathe my nameless existence for whatever reason. Maybe simply because of my genitalia, maybe because of my inclination toward bdsm, maybe because of my love of video games.

But there isn’t a collective group of people who pass laws and legislation specifically to deny me. There isn’t a collective group of people who scream hatred and vitriol at me for no other reason than my simple existence.

My belief is that we are connected, and that we are likely one in the very same – all lives, all planes, all gods. That we exist in this small Universe to mature and grow and become something more – something better. Because of that I try very hard to erase the borders I see in my day to day. I can’t believe what I believe and then feel that everyone is disconnected.

That being said, this wasn’t an attack on “All of us”. It was a pointed and horrific attack against a specific group of us. A group we have historically shunned and othered since the beginning of this country.

I still hold hope that we will be better. I see hundreds of people donating money, time, Blood – to their brothers and sisters and I have hope. It’s a long road, but I will walk it, shield in hand, and do as I can to defend those who have been denied the capacity to defend themselves.

Water

You ever have a moment where you know you did something incorrect, and that you’ve been doing it incorrectly for a LONG time. Like 14 years or so long time?

Yeah, that’s me. Me and water. I love water. Water is calming, water is life, water is something that feels like it connects me to everything else that there is. I connect with water and water-based ideologies (real and fantasy wise). It is life.

And for 14 years I barely drank any water at all. Soda? Check. Coffee? Check. Juice? Occasionally. Water – straight undiluted water? Um.

Well….

Maybe 10 oz. a … week?

Turns out your body needs water. Like ACTUAL FUCKING WATER.

So here I am, day 1 of the new me, 64oz of water later, one coffee and one soda. I can’t say I’m hearing angels or anything, but I feel fine. I don’t have a withdraw headache, and that coffee lasted me ALL day at work. That’s unheard of. At least for me.

The plan is to get down to zero caffeine – not because I’ve been told I have to, but because it would be nice to view soda as a treat, and not a routine need.

Maybe if I have the capacity to do this, and maintain it. Focus on water intake and mind my portions, I’ll feel like I’m capable of considering more organized structure for my journey.

But right now I just feel like I’d be wasting people’s time.

Sure, why not?

A part of me isn’t even sure why I’m doing this. I’m terrible at blogs. I’m terrible at posting to sites in general. I draw almost constantly but my tumblr, Deviant Art, twitter and Facebook see a scant few updates.

In some cases I’m just not that happy with what was made, but in most cases I’m just bad about consistency. I forget everything – and that’s spiced with a little bit of I’m not sure WHAT to say or if posting something is far to arrogant of me.

But, and this is a new thought I’ll attempt to hold onto – Those places are My Spaces™ – and as such I’ve every right to post like a loon, or not at all, as I choose. If what I post holds no interest for others, well, the internet is right MASSIVE and people can go elsewhere.

But this… well, this was inspired by some wonderful friends – one who is deep along her journey, and one who has just started – as they travel through life and try to find a connection and maintain a connection with things greater and more vast.

And I realized that I haven’t really understood what I’ve felt in regards to spirituality for a LONG TIME. So it’s time to try and nail that down.

I’m not a structured person. I’m not a daily devotions, morning prayer, or devotee to much of anything. My art is digital, my games are digital, and my whole life is summed up digitally. I don’t think this is bad, not by any stretch, but I wonder – and intend to find out – if I can find the words of my connection through digital means? Is digital really any less real than real if the connection of it is major for me? Will any comfort even reach me without focus, devotion, or structure?

I’ve not a clue.

But I mean to find out.