And Everything By Name.
I feel I should clarify some stuff before I continue on with this. I mentioned runes in the post before this, but I’m not set on learning or practice divination in regards to them. I likely will as I continue further down this journey, but it’s far from set in stone. (Well, they /are/ wooden, but that’s not my point.)
My point is I was raised Christian. There’s nothing wrong with this, and I’ve nothing against Christianity (the “basic” ideal of the Bible/Christianity is love and acceptance – if I have ANY issue with the religion it’s the manipulation of power and politics abused via its “followers”, and not with the religion itself) – the problem is, currently, I’m stepping into Not-Christian territory with a very Christian Educated Mind (CEM).
As such I think some of my words might be wrong, even if the meaning is something different to me. I don’t have any formal education in Pagan religions, or really anything not-Christian – even though I’ve read enough to know the basic differences and similarities.
It’s a very tip-of-the-iceberg situation, and add to that I’m personal already at odds with a lot of Christian ideals.
My CEM wants to see Good and Evil as definable almost unchangeable ideals.
My exploratory mind (EXM) sees Good and Evil as something more mixed – something more Yin and Yang – and even beyond that more blended. Rare is the murderous or hateful mind that actual believes it is evil – almost always there is a justification, a fear, a motive, some circumstance that makes their “blotch” not a blotch.
My CEM puts God at the top and creates a cascading hierarchy.
My EXM sees no difference between myself and God – and also isn’t sure God is the right way to describe it. This is a large part of what I hope to figure out while I take this journey.
My CEM hopes for Heaven when I die, and contemplates the exactness of Hell and how the afterlife works.
My EXM feels connected on an atomic level, and I don’t believe I’ll lose that connection when I die – only that it will change. It’s an odd comfort to me because by that logic I’ve not suffered a loss in my life, only an event that has forced me to change how I interact with those who have passed.
My CEM believes everything happens for a reason, and that I am guided.
My EXM believes God is just as fucking confused as I am and while likely privy to an indeterminably larger world view than I am, is no more capable of omnipotence or omnipresence than my cat.
And I don’t mean that last bit as a slight to anything or anyone – I just think the idea of either is more perception than substance. As a child I marveled at the rainbow and all the possibilities of its ends and origins. As an adult I know what makes the rainbow, how it functions, and why it appears as it does – The rainbow is not lessened by my growth and knowledge, as it is still beautiful and marvelous, but I understand more of how the world works now and can create rainbows for children to marvel at.
Back to my reason for this post:
If you follow this blog and walk beside me on this odd journey, kindly forgive me if I struggle with the ideas of rituals, magic, divination, god/desses and spells – my CEM sees these things as fanciful (even though the Bible totally believes in magic), and it is REALLY hard for me to grasp them with the same surety I have in other things. Any disrespect is fully unintentional, and I appreciate advice and help if/whenever I do stumble.